Fish Gazer
03-24-04, 11:42 AM
SOme of you have probably read these, but I thought the were funny......
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from
>the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over
>the
>road. A cop pulls him over.
>
> "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
>
> "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
>
> "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
>this evening."
>
> "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
>
> "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
>across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
>your
>car?"
>
> "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought
>I'd gone deaf."
>
> =========================================
>
> Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
>arrives at her door.
>
> "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
>
> "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's
>my
>husband?"
>
> "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
>accident
>dow at the Guinness brewery..."
>
> "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
>
> "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
>
> Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
>
> "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
>drowned."
>
> "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
>go
>quickly?"
>
> "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
>
> =========================================
>
> Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning
>service, and she's in tears.
>
> He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
>
> She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
>away
>last night."
>
> The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he
>have any last requests?"
>
> She says, "That he did, Father.. "
>
> The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
>
> "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that **** gun...'
>
> ===========================================
>
>
>
>
Especially the Guinness joke.
Gazer
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from
>the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over
>the
>road. A cop pulls him over.
>
> "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
>
> "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
>
> "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
>this evening."
>
> "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
>
> "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
>across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
>your
>car?"
>
> "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought
>I'd gone deaf."
>
> =========================================
>
> Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
>arrives at her door.
>
> "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
>
> "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's
>my
>husband?"
>
> "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
>accident
>dow at the Guinness brewery..."
>
> "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
>
> "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
>
> Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
>
> "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
>drowned."
>
> "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
>go
>quickly?"
>
> "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
>
> =========================================
>
> Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning
>service, and she's in tears.
>
> He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
>
> She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
>away
>last night."
>
> The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he
>have any last requests?"
>
> She says, "That he did, Father.. "
>
> The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
>
> "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that **** gun...'
>
> ===========================================
>
>
>
>
Especially the Guinness joke.
Gazer