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The End of an Era

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  • The End of an Era

    I have spent half a lifetime on the run, almost four decades—38 years—of headlong flight from a fact about myself that for most of my life, I couldn't even articulate, and then couldn't bring myself to accept. I lived in ignorance, in denial, and finally, in hiding. In those years I pursued every remedy, tried to fill the gaping hole in the middle of my life with everything, except the one thing that might have made the pain stop. I came to feel like I'd spent life shackled to the corpse of a stillborn child, trapped in a body that had never drawn a breath. And secrets are a heavy burden to bear. So I ran, and I kept on running.

    Fishing has been, for me, the one consistent solace in my existence. When I'm on the water, the pain and confusion and the noise in my head melt away for a little while. I can have peace. I can live for a minute, and not feel the weight of the secrets, the fears, the regrets, or the ghost of the child-that-never-was. The fish don't care, so for a little while, I don't have to, either. So, for the last ten years, I've fished like my life depended on it, and, in a way it did. Every year since 2009, I've been on water at least 120 days, and in some years that figure has approached 200.

    I don't think I'll make that this year, though. I've stopped running. I've finally found the strength to make peace with myself, and for the medium term future I am likely to be busy taking care of the things I need to do to move on with my life the way I might have done had I never gone on the run to begin with. There's been so much wasted time, and so my sense of urgency is quite high. I just haven't had the time to devote fishing lately that I'm accustomed to, and that may remain the new normal while my life is in transition. I have squeezed in a little time here and there this summer, and I'll leave you with a little peak of what I've been up to when I can make it to the water. I expect this to be a bit of a last hurrah for now. But don't worry, I'll be back, just maybe in a somewhat different guise.




















    Cheers y'all!

    Dylar


  • #2
    If I leave here tomorrow
    Would you still remember me?
    For I must be traveling on, now
    Cause there's too many places I've got to see…
    the beginning of an era

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    • #3
      Very cool to see someone owning their peace. Peace is what at least most of us strive for. Bronzebacks like that definitely help!

      We are all running from something, for me it was substance abuse.

      the water has this strange habit of being there for us!
      I like em big fat and sloppy.

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      • #4
        The kind of strength that you exhibit with this post is most admirable. Hopefully people appreciate that you feel comfortable enough here to announce this the way you did. If you apply the same passion to this phase of your life as you do your fishing and writing, you will be fine. Best of luck on your journey, I hope you find the peace in your everyday life that you find on the water.

        FM
        The tug is the drug!

        "Grow a pear!" - Groundpounder

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        • #5
          I appreciate your heartfelt and courageous post. I'm glad you are finding peace within yourself and best of luck on your journey. Hope you come back to post more fishing adventures soon. I always enjoy reading your articulate and descriptive posts.

          By the way. Amazing fish up there. Shark on the fly?!?! That's insane.

          Cheers.
          Hi my name is Charles and I'm a fishaholic.

          Some days I'm the hook and some days I'm the fish.

          Instagram @charles_the_toothsmith

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ChaChung View Post
            I appreciate your heartfelt and courageous post. I'm glad you are finding peace within yourself and best of luck on your journey. Hope you come back to post more fishing adventures soon. I always enjoy reading your articulate and descriptive posts.
            Thanks, I appreciate that, all of it.

            By the way. Amazing fish up there. Shark on the fly?!?! That's insane.
            The blacktips have been something of a quest for me. They're super picky and it's never all come together for me before. Hell of a fight when you connect though, easily the equal of an equivalent sized tarpon.

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